Why My Book List Is Like My Life

I discovered something humbling the other day: my summer reading list. It was messy, ambitious, and long. Very long. Seeing this list prompted me to write down the actual books I’d read over the summer. I was further humbled because out of the 30+ books I had listed to read, I’d read 3 on my actual list. 10%. Lousy. See for yourself:

My Want-to-Read Book List for the Summer

1.     Beauty Will Save the World

2.      Desiring God

3.      I Heard the Owl Call My Name

4.      Maze Runner series

5.      The Return of the King

6.      Hoy Es Fiesta

7.      Until We Have Faces

8.      The Four Loves

9.      Eat, Pray, Love

10.  Antiworlds

11.  Winter’s Tale

12.   A Streetcar Named Desire

13.  Loving God With All Your Mind

14.  The Book of Lost Things

15.  The Giver

16.  The Ghost Writer

17.  The Passion of Jesus Christ

18.  La Sombra del Viento

19.  The Fault in Our Stars

20.  Midsummer Night’s Dream

21.  Pride and Prejudice and Zombis

22.  Notes From a Tilt-a-whirl

23.  Sun Tzu for Women: The Art of War for Winning in Business

24.  On Writing

25.  Harry Potter series

26.  Wild At Heart

27.  Insurgent

28.  Allegiant

29.  To Kill a Mockingbird

30.  Much Ado About Nothing

Books I Actually Read This Summer

1.      The Book of Lost Things

2.      Waiting to Be Heard

3.      Church Membership

4.      Desiring God

5.      Captivating

6.      The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert

7.      The Book Thief

8.      The Fault in Our Stars

9.      The Five Love Languages

10.  Captivating

We have pretty unrealistic expectations for ourselves. I should remember that because I just found and posted a journal essay about my limitations. Well, I was pretty discouraged about the discrepancies in the lists. I told myself to stop moping, sit down, and make another long Fall reading list, hyping myself up for an invigorating literature experience. Then, God grabbed my mind.

If I had arduously stuck to my list, I would've missed out on amazing reads like Church Membership and The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert. These books were both unexpectedly loaned to me by great friends who are strong Christians. I was so challenged and convicted by both of those books. It’s hard to read things that are convicting because you are choosing to be convicted as you continue reading and every time you pick up the book. Some of the aspects of these two books made me cry over things that I haven’t cried about as I opened parts of my mind and heart that I’d stamped and sealed years ago. Some of the chapters made me think deeper and got me into different parts of my Bible. They both changed me as God used them to help me make big, positive decisions for life.

As for some of the rest of the list, yes, I wanted to read The Fault in Our Stars, but I hardly expected to pull a practical all-nighter reading it the day before I was going to see the movie (I normally won’t see the movie unless I read the book first.) Waiting to Be Heard is the memoir of Amanda Knox, who studied in Italy, fell in love with an Italian, was accused of murdering her British roommate, and landed in a foreign prison for four years until she was ruled innocent by the Italian court system. It was on my book list last summer, and I wanted to read before I went to Mexico, but I didn't have time. I completely forgot about it until my roommate walked in the door of our apartment with the hunking book in her hands this summer. In retrospect, it probably would have scared me to read it before going to Mexico. The Book of Lost Things is Gothic literature. Gothic literature was my favorite type of literature and the only genre that I've consumed for the past couple of summers. The Book of Lost Things is the only Gothic literature on the list of books I actually read this summer. And it’s one of only 4 in the Gothic genre on my want-to-read list. I was stunned when I discovered that fact because my desires had changed so naturally. I didn't even notice that I read less Gothic literature now until I looked harder at my book lists. 

My book list is like my life.

I always make life plans. Some of them happen the way I expected, like reading Desiring God. It was the first book I planned to read after my graduation, and that’s exactly what I did. Some of them happened, but not the way I expected, like reading The Fault in Our Stars. Some of them are entirely unexpected blessings, like Captivating, a spur-of-the-moment buy at a Christian book sale. Some of them are unforeseen challenges, like The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert. Some of them I think I can handle at the moment, but in reality, God knows that I can’t. They don’t happen at all or they happen later, like Waiting to Be Heard. Sometimes He just takes the desire away, like He took away my unhealthy obsession with Gothic literature.

I’m so glad that God is in charge of my life. I know that He is absolutely sovereign over everything that happens. Psalm 115:3 says that God is in heaven, and He does whatever pleases Him. In Isaiah 46:10, God states that whatever He plans will be accomplished according to His pleasure. He knows and does; I just don't and can't. I’m immensely humbled by how He has changed me, even while I've been unconscious of the fact. His grace has preserved me from things He knows I can’t handle, and I get to be reminded once again that it’s not me who knows how to change me and help me; it’s Him.

The actual book list is a lot more beautiful than the want-to-read list. And I get a visual idea of what it means to fall short… once again. But I’m ok with not completing my plan; He always completes His.