My First Crush

You never forget your first crush, or so the saying goes. No matter how divergent I try to be, I’m no exception to that common statement; my first crush is still stamped on my mind even though I’m not a romantic. To actually get myself in the mood to write this piece, I’m listening to love songs by the band with the animal-inspired name: The Beatles.

I've had a lot of crushes and even some serious relationships since my first – there was Victor, Aiden, Clint (affectionately nicknamed “Spider” because he was all legs), to name a few, and most recently, Alex.

            Victor and I were short-lived. He was needy, and I loved him, but things didn't work out. He met this great girl and they hit it off. I saw them jumping around together one day, and I had to be happy because they looked so good. I guess their personalities just worked for them.

            “Spider” was too young for me. You know, sometimes you just have to have this spring fling with a cutie…

Of the four, Aiden was by far the most accomplished. But he was the oldest. I was fascinated by him. He approached me, all proper, helpful, and amazing. And beautiful!! He had dark, wavy hair and big, soft brown eyes. When he listened, you knew he was immensely intelligent. It didn't take me long to fall hard and fast. He was constantly teaching me and making fun of my mistakes, but we never even disagreed about anything. Obviously we didn't last long because he ended up with someone with far more talents than I had at the time. I wonder what we would've happened if we’d gotten together a couple years later.

My relationship with Alex lasted the longest of the four. He was gorgeous – tan with blue eyes and a wild side. We had a complicated relationship because he was creative and a little moody (and I’m creative and moody, too). He dumped me in a corner on Christmas Eve one year. Can you believe that? And sometimes he didn't like to listen, which everyone knows drives a girl absolutely crazy! But I adored him. I had a lot more going for me when we met and started hanging out. We did so many special things together; he was a lot of firsts for me. When our relationship was good, we were such show-offs. Then, I left for college … and you know how that goes. Long distance is impossible.

            Anyway, what am I saying? I wanted to talk about my first crush: Ludan. He was tall, dark, strong, older than me with a little foreign blood, a deep tone, beautiful eyes, and a gentle manner – basically everything a girl could ever want. I mean … and I was just a klutzy thirteen-year-old at the time.

            When we met, I felt like our relationship was somehow arranged. His copper-haired friend nudged him toward me just as my blonde friend nudged me toward him. We saw each other from afar, but our gaze held, and his eyes made me stand still. I was thinking, This is going to happen! For the very first time, this is going to happen to me!!!!!!

            I couldn't wait to see him again because I was dying to spend some time with him. Unfortunately, he was busy. One of his friends was hurt, and then, we had a huge snowfall that blocked the roads, and I couldn't go and see him for two whole weeks. I contented myself by speculating about him in my diary. Will he like me? Will we get along? He’s so gorgeous! When will I get to see him?

            Yeah. Sometimes we girls can jump far ahead. I’m not even sure he was giving me a second thought those two weeks.

            You could probably say that it was love at first sight, and I wouldn't correct you.

            When we got to see each other again, we spent an extended period of time together. At first, I was afraid of him, nervously stepping around him, staring dumb-founded, very unsure of myself. Gradually, he made me understand that he would never hurt me.

We worked on figures together. I knew that he had already done similar figures many times, but he was patient with me, and I fell in love instantly with his quiet, dark eyes and his willingness to compensate for what I still couldn't do. I was a beginning, star-struck klutz just moving out of middle school and into the big world of decide-what-you-like-and-do-it.

            It didn't take me very long to discover that he exceeded all my dreams. That realization opened up my heart and my mind. Pretty soon, we were watching shows together on some weekends, and we attended some events together on other weekends. I met all of his friends and they all loved me. All my friends announced that we were a pair. I wasn't always sure what his friends whispered to him, but I hoped for only good things since they all loved me. I baked him special treats since the way to his heart was sometimes through his stomach. I liked going out with him, especially when the weather was nice.

Once, we sat under a weeping willow and shared an apple. That moment was romantic. Our favorite season was fall. I liked it best because there were so many more events to attend in the fall; he liked it best because the flies and the heat weren't so overwhelming.

            The first gift I bought for him was a pair of sweet new shoes. They were so expensive, but when I saw him tripping out and nodding his head, I knew that they were worth every penny. He wore them every day. Of course, they didn't last very long, but then, what shoes ever do? 

            He was so strong. I know he liked to carry me. Sometimes he would run as fast as he could while he was carrying me. I always laughed and lost my breath. A couple times I fell while he was running flat-out. He stopped instantly both times, coming back to kiss me and make sure I was okay. So sweet and apologetic. And I was still laughing.

            The best times were when we didn't have anything specific to work on or any events to attend. I would sit on the grass or lay in the sun and he would stand next to me, looking down. I would whisper secrets to him. He never broke my confidence, which is more than I can say for any guy or girl I've ever known.

We were officially together for eight months.

            Around that time, I started to wonder if we would go all the way to the top together – if he would be mine forever. The thought was magical to me. To find “The One” so early in my career!

But then, I moved away, and I never got to see him again.

I cried for two months, and I wouldn't be consoled. Now I feel sorry for my family. I must have been something of a drama queen over Ludan.

Then, I met Victor at a stable which was nearer to our house, and like I said, he was needy, but my eagerness to meet his needs made me stop sobbing over Ludan.  

I don’t cry anymore, but I will never forget Ludan and all the time we spent together. He was my first horse, and I fell in love with him at first sight.